Smith could have made so many better choices that did not involve putting his hands on another person in front of the entire world. Violence is always wrong and solves very little. Even if later, long after these public shamings, their treatment is re-examined and condemned, the measly acts of public contrition are too little, too late.
Famous women such as Whitney Houston, Britney Spears, Amanda Bynes, Janet Jackson, Monica Lewinsky and Meghan Markle have been pushed to the edge by such scrutiny and the unreasonable expectation that they thicken their skin to derision, disrespect, insults and jokes. Pinkett Smith has spoken openly about her struggles with hair loss - which is difficult for anyone but especially hard in the sexist and image-conscious world of American celebrity, where women, especially, endure an endless litany of comments about their appearance, their sartorial choices, their relationships and anything else people can find to pick apart. He has reportedly said he did not know about her alopecia, but he probably at least knew that the joke would sting, since he produced the documentary “Good Hair,” about Black women and their often fraught relationships with their hair. Pinkett Smith has alopecia, a condition resulting in hair loss that disproportionately affects Black women. We were seeing skin that had thinned to nothing. It wasn’t clear if this was a bit or real life, and then all was crystal clear: What we were experiencing was someone not taking the joke.
The laughs became titters, became stunned silence. Rock should keep her name out of his mouth, including an obscenity for good measure. Rock, returned to his seat and shouted that Mr. Smith walked onto the Oscar stage, slapped Mr. You probably know what happened moments later: Mr. Pinkett Smith’s husband, Will Smith, laughed, but she rolled her eyes, and her face fell. Jane 2 ,’ can’t wait to see it.” The audience, including Ms. And we won’t know we’ve been wronged or wounded until it’s too late.ĭuring the 2022 Oscars telecast, the comedian Chris Rock made a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith’s closely shorn hair. If our skin gets too thick, we won’t feel anything at all, which is the most unreasonable of expectations. In some situations, yes, we’re humorless. Because sometimes, people can’t take a joke. I’ve stopped aspiring to be thicker-skinned, and I no longer expect or admire it in others. If you can’t laugh along, you are humorless. We often see this when comedians want to joke about race, sexual assault, gender violence or other issues that people experiencing them don’t find terribly funny.
There is a strange idea that there is nobility in tolerating or, better yet, enjoying humor that attacks who you are, what you do or how you look - that with free speech comes the obligation to turn the other cheek, rise above, laugh it all off. But it should be obvious that the targets of jokes and insults have every right to react and respond.
Long live creative license and free speech. It should go without saying that comedians are free to say what they please. Done less well, it leaves its targets feeling raw, exposed and wounded - not mortally, but wounded.
It can force us to look in the mirror and get honest with ourselves, to laugh and move forward. Done well, comedy can offer witty, biting observations about human frailties. Thick skin comes up often in the context of comedy. It’s an alluring idea to some, I suppose. If we all had the thickest of skins, no one would have to take responsibility for cruelties, big or small. If the targets of derision only had thicker skin, their aggressors could say or do as they please. Who is served by all this thick skin? Those who want to behave with impunity. I’m not talking about constructive criticism or accountability but, rather, the intense scrutiny and unnecessary commentary people have to deal with when they challenge others’ expectations one way or another. Toughen yourself, we’re told, whoever we are, whatever we’ve been through or are going through. I think a lot about how we are constantly asked to make our skin ever thicker. It is a rejection of the expectation that we laugh off everything people want to say and do to us. It is a repudiation of the incessant valorizing of taking a joke, having a sense of humor. It is a defense of boundaries and being human and enforcing one’s limits. This is not a defense of Will Smith, who does not need me to defend him.